(Insert theme music here.)
My computer at work is insane. Possessed. There is something that is completely not right with it. It acts of it's own accord sometimes. I've gotten used to it, after our almost 2 year relationship. (2 years, 11 months and 2 weeks, to be exact.)
Well, on Monday, it took being possessed to a whole new level. I'm not talking a weird little quirk like when I minimize something it oozes down to the toolbar instead of zooming right down. (If you're a Mac user, you know what I'm talking about.) Or when I click something, it'll double click itself. No. This was inSANE.
It spoke to me.
I'm not kidding, and I'm not even going crazy on this one. It seriously spoke, and I have two witnesses to back me up on this.
Brooke, my most wonderful, amazingly gorgeous co-worker, the Brooke of Brooke and Brie, my Maverick and my Jerry, sent me a youtube video to watch. But I don't have speakers, so she plugged her ear bud things into the tower where speakers would have been plugged in, so that I could hear the video. (Amazing video, by the way, about the man she and her husband are naming their daughter after.) I watch the video, take out the headphones and carry on my work.
Not for long.
As I navigated to a new screen a disembodied, robotic voice spoke to me. And it was like it was speaking the language of gibberish.
"Blobidy grahsi schmaiels sdjf;ldsjflkdsjf;ls"
Uhhhhh........ God? Is that you?
I had no idea what was happening to me. Brooke, hearing the voice, exclaimed profanities that would make even ME blush in her shock and surprise. (Ok, that's only partially true and mostly exaggerated.) The voice stopped for a while so I returned to work. But then it spoke again.
"blubidy bleghshme firefox hishmeb bleh"
Either I was learning gibberish, or my computer said firefox new window! WTH?! Then it started READING MY FACEBOOK MESSAGES! I am SO glad the message was simply a correspondence about setting up an art class for next summer. (Seriously, it's gonna be uhMAzing, ya'll should sign up for it!) At least it wasn't anything off color or inappropriate for work. NOT that I'd have ANYthing like that in my inbox. . . It kept reading out loud everything I was doing on screen. In another life, I had a boss that was blind and had a program on his computer that read everything to him. But I don't have that on my computer. And it wouldn't stop talking! For the love. It was surreal. I plugged the headphones back in, and the voice stopped. But as soon as I took them out, it would start up again.
After much laughter, and exclaims of WHAT THE HECK IS IT DOING!?!?!, we finally plugged the headphones back into the possessed thing and shut it up.
Too bad the disembodied robot voice didn't feel it prudent to slip me some lottery numbers.
